Help me, pray

The Begining of a Dead End.

2007-06-29T05:58:04Z

Please, don't take away.

Not again.

Go with the Flow.

2007-06-26T19:16:44Z

She said 'I'll throw myself away, they're just photos after all.'
I can't make you hang around. I can't wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out.
You won't remember anyway.
I can go with the flow but don't say it doesn't matter anymore.
I can go with the flow...
Do you believe it in your head?

It's so safe to play along.
Little soldiers in a row falling in and out of love
with something sweet to throw away...
I want something good to die for to make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow but don't say it doesn't matter anymore.
I can go with the flow...
Do you believe it in your head?

newxmurderer @ 2007-06-22T21:16:00

2007-06-23T03:24:40Z

Last night, I had the most beautiful dream.
I dreamed that the Devil was real
and he had fallen in love...

with little ol' me.

Circle of Snakes.

2007-06-12T00:16:10Z

"Not about to see your light and if you wanna find hell with me, I can show you what it's like...

till you're bleeding."

The zombie has returned, for I
am the purest definition of dead-
Never to feel again.

Automatic.

2007-06-06T17:15:05Z

"Mein."

I love him, as he loves me.
And I find myself praying to whomever that time hasn't changed anything.

newxmurderer @ 2007-06-02T02:13:00

2007-06-02T08:14:45Z

All she ever wanted was to be needed.

Now, i'm all alone.

I'll love you... forever.

I'm on fire.

2007-05-30T21:19:02Z

"The night of the fight, you might feel a slight sting.
That's just pride fucking with you.

Fuck pride. Pride hurts.... It never helps."

newxmurderer @ 2007-05-26T00:40:00

2007-05-26T06:40:36Z

His sweater smells like us.

newxmurderer @ 2007-05-18T18:16:00

2007-05-19T01:00:46Z

They say when it rains, it pours.

Hallowed.

2007-05-16T22:17:17Z

As the letters disappeared into text
it all became so clear.

I don't miss you now, but then.

Can you do it again?

Suicidal victims.

2005-11-25T06:43:11Z

Unrequited pulsations from the strongest muscle buried in the body.
Destruction? Not tonight.
Abnegation in truest form
retain this physical structure.
As for nostalgia, let it be.
Promised to your memory
forever and always, let it be.

Ravage a corpse
to make yourself bleed.
Goodnight to all.

Forever rest in peace.

Attention.

2005-11-06T03:51:06Z

Obsessive behavior is quite amusing.

Medication, for us all.

2005-10-15T23:33:23Z

Lately childhood has been making a mockery of the present. No longer willing to accept the shift and necessary growth, it runs. This is where lines meet lies adding separate names along with unfamiliar faces. Or maybe, these faces are more familiar than we could have ever possibly presumed? Regardless, these faces are a joke. Born dumb to the world surrounding, coke bottle frames enhance and see through the disguise on an unfitting clone. This is where the rats flood in. Yearning to talk with fists, she picks out anything worth the faking. Luckily, with flakes and bombthreats, this is no surprise.
Oh well. Children will be children and boys will fuck girls, as they say.
Yet conquer the willing as if they were putting up a fight.
Guns blazing, blood spilling- you know, that sort of thing.
Psychotic is an understatement when you're killing with the knife fucked from your head.

Sadly, through twilight, I was kissed by an angel.
In the slow moments of tumbling disaster, faces danced across my eyelids as though biding their goodbyes. Every flip was torture and as the third arrived, my mind went dark. Seconds later, the pitter patter of her tiny feet and his limp body dragging out the window were the main attraction. Through the rubble a blazing breakdown filled the night. Shortly unanswered receivers were the craze. Requests were fulfilled while denied all at once and as I held them, I knew I was worth it.
Soon, police lights came flooding.
The night refused to end.

Thank god we're all okay.

Jenni, Joey, and I got in a car accident this morning. The truck tumbled over three times. Jenni is somewhat beat up, as is Joey but over all they are both fine.
I lucked out and am just sore as fuck.

I love you all. Well, some of you.

Dead end.

2005-10-13T03:33:44Z

Like the girl sitting on the beach with sand slipping through those tiny fingers, I am losing.

The feeling of security seems nothing but unreal all while unstable foundations begin their decay beneath my feet.

We are all hopeless.
Our everything is nothing but a waste.

Come lay with me, I long to feel protected.

Or could it be that I am more in love you than I could have ever possibly believed?

newxmurderer @ 2005-10-03T00:21:00

2005-10-03T06:25:52Z

Fiending to leave a bloody mess
she wants to fuck your worthless corpse.
Before breathing, listen. Your insides are squealing.
Embed this plauge through vital organs.
Above and forth
let her rise.

I need to see your insides pouring out.

The hardest part is letting go.

2005-10-01T19:18:05Z

Oh, every line hath grown indifferent
and every soul hath shown impure.

False sincerity has been embedded through every letter in the alphabet
and the saving of faces has been founded as a hobby.
However, of no purity to judge, I am merely awake to be conscience of these doings and when knowing most everything about this unregistered epidemic
all I want
is out.

Everyone, please take a number and form a straight line
for the day to end your worthless life is nearing
and your best bet is not being left behind.

Fill me, here.

2005-09-23T01:30:14Z

It was as simple
as breathing.

The pattern tangled through her hair
was unbearable
just as her thoughts in a mind worth the breaking.
Broken, missing though not missed
just as the body she claimed to be shaping.
"But I will get better," she claimed, "it has been days."
Never past five
although seven was the number favored.
"I need to change, I don't want to be this way."
Of course girl, we are familiar with both of your names.
"Believe me, today."
Forever and every other day
so that tomorrow
you may remain the same.

Tonight, words are running through these fingers
as a lack of blood through veins
yet I cannot obtain the text
to unveil this manic state.
The thorn in my side and my mind found inept
unable to find a liquor to numb the pain
I will remain your favorite mess.

They are my mini train tracks.

newxmurderer @ 2005-09-07T15:53:00

2005-09-07T21:54:22Z

Hydrated, pissing gasoline.
These purple fingers were but a dream.
Yet as she watched your body turn to stone
diamonds slipped down her throat. This taste was divine.
Pure and simple, ecstasy.
This destiny forged in through a looking glass to see, see everything.
To see right through you.
Then the militia came. Their guns, knives destroying everything we called our own. Pushed through the roses, thorns hit and tears spilt down this clump of meaningless mass to discover-
it was nothing at all.
Nothing?
Nothing.

What about the stains on white built up from all your insides?
What about the bitter taste of rust through pores for lust?
What about the endless nights that dawned your morning?
What about the hope found in the cornea of the eye?
What about the motionless pages
where you were rendered deaf and blind?

Oh, you silly girl, it was nothing.

Only don't think I have forgotten
about my forever loved, aging blood.
You are the motivation to open my eyes every morning.
You will be the only one standing behind the shadows for the rest of my life.
Through thick and thin, we will always have each other.
Now, today and for always, all I want and care about is you.
I only want the best for you.

I have loved you since your first breath
and I will love you till your last.
You are my sunshine, boy.

I love you more than I could ever possibly comprehend.

Happy birthday, baby brother.
You are the greatest being
two fucked up bastards could have ever possibly had.

newxmurderer @ 2005-08-29T18:03:00

2005-08-30T00:03:56Z

At the end of the longest line
that's where I will always be.
At the end of the longest-

She keeps me smiling. Through eveything, she keeps me going and I thank her dearly.

Except here. Haha.

Durghgifjnhg.

And she loves me, best.

So we please eachother quite well.

Dance!

Crack habits.

Imposter Jedi broads.

The battle.

Sexay! Haha.

She rides 'em.

Uhm... ?

Getting down.

Jenni and Rooty.

Oh and I whored it a little.

Fin.

newxmurderer @ 2005-08-26T02:07:00

2005-08-26T08:06:49Z

Pleasantly caving in
I come undone.

I realize you're mine.

And he brings this silly schoolgirl smile to my face.

So i'll admit, some changes are good.
Some.

You know who you are.

2005-08-17T01:13:31Z

To you, this love is very unknown.
I don't know exactly where to start, so i'll just dive in. Let me begin by saying that this was all an accident. I never meant to care or think about you this way, this much. Funny how time has seemed to drag you along and keep you for longer than I can actually even remember. What's sad is how all I will have to remember you by are your encouraging words and your unforgettable kiss. The discomfort of a rainy night and hoping it would never end all at once. So awkward and reassuring. Since then, I have been living with you embedded in every dream, every nightmare, every thoughtless slumber. You are the man in my dreams and sadly, I suppose i'll just have to settle. Better that than nothing I suppose. I just want to thank you for having made so many days worth living. You always manage to put a silly smile on my face. Even in your time of need, you calmed me and made me understand your views. You are one of the very few people in life that I will always want more from or wish I was closer to. If only we had met sooner.
I wouldn't lie, I wouldn't cheat, I wouldn't hurt you. You deserve the best of everything and I don't see how anyone would not be able see that. Especially, your heart. You are simply extraordinary. Everything you are, everything about you- all your faults and all of your glory make you so different in this odd way. It is binding and I remain bound. You truly are one of a kind. I know in this life, there will never be another like you and maybe that is why i'm so scared you'll leave. I know that sounds selfish but I feel as if this is what it has come down to. I could beg and plead with you all day and all night and I know it wouldn't make a difference so instead, I will simply smile and be happy for you. Just as you wished. In exchange, you must excuse the tears.
Nostalgia is hell as you already know.

Still, no matter what may happen
please call and let me know. If in fact you find your way home tomorrow, tonight, next week
I beg of you, please just let me know.
I used to think one day we'd be together and now, I understand it all. I know that regardless of any outcome
I will see you soon wherever it is that you may go.

I have loved and will love you forever. Of this, there is no doubt.
You are the most beautiful being. You are my hero.
And I, I could never forget you.
Goodbye and goodnight.

Her eyes grew tired of me.

2005-08-14T00:03:33Z

All your words have no meaning
they lost it faces before.
I now know the truth.
"You're beautiful," bullshit. Open your eyes.
"I love you." Liar. Not even I.
I just want to be a face you won't recognize in the morning.
I want to be invisible
but i'm not ready to die.

Everyone is the same.
Nothing is genuine and I am just as worthless as you.
Out there is like quicksand, so I will hide in my room.

Dying to feel alive, again.

2005-08-10T11:30:09Z

I am forced somewhere between these cracks through the floor and out the window. A seal of pane they call it.
So desperate, pray the moon come early this day. Come early then go away. Please? Sooner than yesterday.
Understand most cannot comprehend. A sight exclusively for the dead to watch their sun sink in an ocean of mountains bearing their glory, all the glory ever taken from these hands.
How selfish.
Wipe the blood from these hands. Realize what the dead have given for the sake of your beauty.
So selfish of you to run. Gone in sixty seconds and counting.
No looking back now, for black has dawned upon us more desperate than we
could ever possibly be. A blanket for me
put us forever to sleep.
And it finally speaks to me, "Jealousy is such an ugly being."

To the ghost, for the spirits
I was your infamous murderer.

I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. I hope, I pray. See you all soon.

Without me by your side.

2005-08-07T10:27:55Z

If I had a God
tonight i'd pray.
I would beg for him to spread his love over my life and help me seek out my wrong doings. I'd ask him to help me change so that one day, on my very last day, we could finally be together for all eternity.

If only I could set aside all my questions.
If only I could be ignorant, blind, or just desperate for tonight.
If only.

As of recently, my life has gone far beyond any sort of control. And I, do not know how to cope. I want, I get, I lose, I miss, I hate. I dislike the new girl growing comfortable in this skin. She is some stranger with a life I do not want to live. Simply refusing, we will battle
and the victor receives all.
All has never meant so little. Giving, giving, taking. Is it too much? Is it not enough?
No, it could never be.
Although some things are clear to me, these things feel most distant.
Too pure for someone of mine to even touch.

I don't know exactly where I am headed
but I am almost positive this is a head on collision course for destruction.

For all of this, i'm better off without you.

2005-08-02T20:11:50Z

There is this pain in my chest and I can hardly breathe these days.
It hurts most when they are deep, slow.
There is this hole in my head and I can hardly think these days.
It all hurts most now.

The world came crashing down, landing atop my head leaving me paralyzed to the population surrounding.
Almost like tomorrow wouldn't be worth living. Almost.
Only, paralyzation has never stopped this facade. There is too much to live for.